Failure

Why do I fail so hard sometimes? I hate it. Last week I was the perfect little Anagirl. I ate a tiny bit on monday(BLECHHH), but then tuesday through friday... nothing. I went to my boyfriend's house friday night. (YES! BOYFRIEND) We went to his school's football game then afterwards we came back and ordered pizza. We just started dating and he paid for the pizza so I didn't want him to think I was weird. I had to eat some of it. I had 2 pieces. Gross, but my body is so used to me taking laxatives that it just exploded anyway even though I didn't take any.

Then saturday night I had to go to this christmas party that the people I babysit for were throwing. The mom can cook like none other so I knew I would end up eating. I took three laxatives and ate SO MUCH. I almost felt like a normal person just eating whatever at that party. Thank goodness the laxatives cleaned me out as soon as I got home. On sunday, I completely forgot who I was and the hungry side of me took over. I ate so much and I don't even know why. Stuffed my face with all sorts of food. I'm so angry at myself. I was 135 the last time I weighed myself. I don't even want to know now. Ugly numbers.

So far today I have been great. Nothing but a tiny bit of flavored zero-everything water. And that's all its gonna be. Tomorrow during the day as well. I want to starve all week. Put nothing in my body. I have a tiny problem though. I have a bible study party on tuesday night. Everyone has to bring food. That's all fine and good. I'm strong enough to resist, but my bible study leader knows about my eating habits. Last year when I thought I needed help, thought it was taking over, I confided in her. She doesn't know that I still do these things and I'm glad, because it's not a problem. I am strong and healthy. Healthier then all these people stuffing their faces with fat and sugars. But if she sees me not eat at all, she'll know somethings up. I mean, it's not a problem. I can just take laxatives, but then food will have entered my body. It takes me a day or two to get going before I'm on a good starving roll. I've done so good today, I don't want tomorrow night to mess up my week. Oh well, My ana buddy Morgan will keep me in check. Love her with everything I am. We are gonna be the skinniest girls in school together. You should check out her blog if you like mine. Although, hers is better. It's strengthh.blogspot.com. LOOK AT IT.

That's all for today.
Think Skinny my loves. (: